A little motivation

Sometimes we struggle to get through the day. Or at least i know that i do, and sometimes i have to motivate myself to keep going. Which is something we should all do. Motivate ourselves. We should all have goals that were working towards, and we should keep those goals in mind when things start to get hard.
Right now, i'm being tortured by my circumstances. Which is being imprisoned in Valdosta. (Fair warning to anyone who reads this DO NOT FOR ANY REASON WHAT SO EVER COME TO VALDOSTA GEORGIA, UNLESS IT'S SHORT TERM.) I hate it here, and i can't wait to leave... permanently and never return. Ever. So here's my point i hate it here, and the goal is to transfer schools and leave this hell hole. So when i have a shit load of homework i buckle down and do it, because i know if i don't that i'll be stuck here. And that's not what's up. So leaving here is what motivates me to push throw and keep going.
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that "I got this" or "I can do this" because sometimes we loose sight of that and quickly give up, and never reach our full potential, nor accomplish our goals. Which isn't what we want. So when things get extremely hard, it's just life testing us to see how badly to we want what we've been working for. If you want it bad enough you won't give up and you will continue to work towards your goal no matter what obstacles are thrown your way. So just hold your head up and motivate yourself to keep going, because you're closer to your goals than you think.

Oh november how you do us so wrong...

Story time! 

November 12, 2011

(Almost) One year ago… The absolute sweetest boy I have ever met sent me a text and told me to meet him in the band room after school because he had something he wanted to show me. “What could he possibly have to show me?” I thought to myself. I went through the rest of the debating, questioning, and wondering what it could be that he wanted to show me. After school, I did as he asked and came to the band room. He pulled me into the instrument closet and pulled a ring off his finger. “I got my class ring today, but they messed it up.” He put the ring in my hand and showed me how the ring was indeed messed up. I couldn’t believe that he’d had me stay after school and miss my bus home to show me his class ring. A slight wave of anger came over me, but before the wave had a chance to completely pass through me he started talking again. “So I need to ask you something.” He said. “Umm, I was wondering if… You would be my girlfriend?” I literally believe that my heart stopped, after that. Which is probably why anything from that point is slightly fuzzy in my mind. I remember squealing like an idiot, and giving him a hug, and walking around with this frazzled look on my face not knowing what the fuck to do. It was the first time that a guy had actually asked me out in all 18 years of my life.  It was a pretty big moment for me. I will always be grateful to that sweet boy who had more courage than any other that I know. He was the only boy brave enough to admit that he liked me and actually ask me out, although later that day I politely denied his offer.

            You probably think that I’m crazy for doing that… but let me explain. At that time, I was a senior in high school, and he was a junior, I had just turned 18, he just turned 17, and I am a few inches, maybe centimeters taller than him. His age, grade, and height didn’t really meet the requirements. Now you’re probably thinking that I’m shallow, but I’m really not. I’m not the type of person who cares about looks, I think that personality is far more important, but those 3 things are kind of a big deal to me at least. Now the thing was that He really was the sweetest guy I had ever met. He had the most amazing personality, had so much heart, and definitely was his own person. No one could change that. Plus, he was a Libra just like me, so you know he was hard headed, and stubborn.  As always after it happened I called my friends in search of advice and guidance, and one of them said to me “Stop beating around the bush and just tell the boy that you don’t like him” but that in fact was not true. I did like him, and I knew that much for a fact. I called a couple more friends and one of them said to me “You know what your problem is? You care to much about what other people will say and think. You know you want to tell that boy yes. I just don’t see why you give a fuck what other people think?” That was the most profound statement that I’d heard. Why did I care? Let people think what they want, because my happiness and shot at a good guy was on the line and guess what I did? You already know, I told him no, and that we should work our way there.

November 17, 2011

After thinking about it for about a week, I told him to meet me after school this time. This time I actually had an excuse to stay after school; I was helping a friend in the school pageant. So after school we met up in the hallway and popped a squat across from the counseling office. I looked at him and said, “I know what I said before, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I think you should ask me again.” He had the most confused look on his face, like he had absolutely no clue what was going on. After what I assume was him trying to figure out was going on he asked me to be his girlfriend again, but this time I said yes. He still sat there looking confused like he didn’t believe my answer. “Yes?” he questioned me, still in disbelief. It really touched me that he couldn’t believe that I’d said yes.

Who can honestly believe that nearly a year has passed since then? A whole year… It definitely hasn’t been the most pleasant year. Nor was it easy, for either of us. In fact we didn’t even make it a whole year. Not even 2 months actually. It’s sad, but it’s true. Even though we weren’t together we still had love for each other just as we do today. With all my heart, I still have love for the sweetest guy I have ever met. No one can touch him, he’s on a level all his own. It's like that Usher song: my boo. "There's always that one person that will always have your heart." And that even though you're not together and you're with other people that's still your boo. 

Please Consider the following message...

I'm about to hit a very touch subject. And i'm sure that this blog may be debatable but, I'm just gonna throw it out there because this is my damn blog and i can blog about whatever i want!

With that being said. Here's the topic: Your first time.
No this isn't about to be a sex ed. blog. And this isn't about me preaching abstinence either. This is more along the lines of how do you know that the person your willing to give it up to is the right guy? The answer to this is simple, You NEVER know, but there are some things/ signs that tell you whether or not you're about to make a big mistake. Guys are slick! I'm trying to tell y'all. They are too slick. Slicker than damn chicken grease! They know all the right things to say and do to get to you. And they'll have you thinking that they're mr. perfect. But trust me, they just running game, and if you fall for it you'll just be another victim on the list. Don't be another name on his list of victims. Don't be a victim! Be the offender! It's like one of my favorite Rihanna lyrics "I'll never play the victim, I'd rather be the stalker." I agree. I'd rather be the one breaking hearts, than getting my heart broken. But that's just me being a hard ass.Anyways here's some things to think about.
1.) Will he return my feelings afterwards?
 - Lets first establish what that means. After sex, i guarantee you will be caught up in the moment feeling some type of way. Thinking that you're just oh so in love. But the question really is will he be feeling the same way about you? Don't lie to yourself either. Don't try to convince yourself that he'll feel the same way. If you even have to convince yourself then he probably wont. Let's just be honest. And even if you think he may return your feelings will it be 100%?
2.) Does he honestly even really care about you?
 - You may think that he loves you, and deeply cares about you, but it's amazing what guys will do just to hit. I'm not even lying. Guys will date girls for long periods of times just to get it. So don't be fooled. And it should also be a sign if everything between the two of you is physical. If there's no intellectual between the two of you then there's obviously a problem. A relationship is based on more than just physical attraction. If everything between the two of you has been about physical then you might wanna rethink having sex with him. Because that's all he wants.
3.) If he's impatient, rushing you, and not willing to wait, RUN THE OTHER WAY!
 - If a guy really does care about you then he will wait. No matter how long the wait. When you're ready he'll be ready don't worry. But if he's pressuring you into it before your ready then he's not the one. Don't let anybody pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. You have the right to say no, so use it. Besides if he's not willing to work for it, then he doesn't deserve it. Nobody gets anything for free, including the nookie! Let 'em know! And even if they do work for it, and even put in over time, you still have to consider how does he really feel about you? Is he only doing it because he really wants to hit? Or does he really care.
4.) Will you regret it afterwards?
 - So many times have i known people to have sex, and IMMEDIATELY regret it. Yeah it happens. You may think that you won't regret it, but afterwards when he gets up and leaves, and no longer returns your phone calls, will you regret it then? You have to think about the end in mind. Will you two even stay together? Will he tell everybody that he "tapped that." Sadly you have to consider the negative, even though I know when you're caught up in the moment that thinking is the last thing your doing. I know all to well.

Take into consideration everything i said because you don't want to end up in a situation where you had sex, regret it, and in the end get your heart broken and your innocence taken. You don't want that, nobody does. So just really think about it. And usually i advise against over thinking but on this one i give full permission. It's just necessary. Be safe, and cautious.

Jealousy

Jealousy can come in many different forms. It's never a good thing but it happens. It does. When you see the people around you having a good time, being happy, living their lives you envy them when your life isn't just as great. It's especially hard to not be jealous when the people you once were surrounded by are all over social networks with their happy lives and it may seem like they're flaunting they're happy lives in your face but they're not intentionally. But even though your life may not be as happy it's good to just take it as it is, and at least try to be happy for them. I mean in terms of Karma maybe something good will happen. You put out good you get good, you put out bad, you get bad. Simple as that. And it's ok to be jealous. It's a part of life. But don't let that jealousy cause you to be mean or rude to other people though. Like i said just try to be happy for them. Your good time will come. You just have to be patient of coarse.