Give me 2 seconds...

Sometimes i can feel myself loosing. I can feel it before it happens. Just as i can tell you that morning that im going to break down later that day because there's a entire process that gets me to that point where i just let it all go. I feel the need to cry helplessly. I want to be alone, and unbothered. I need time to recollect myself and realize exactly what is happening, and how can I solve it on my own. When your the type to keep things in everyone is forever on your case to tell them whats wrong. Then when you do you always give them the edited version. Leaving out half of a story, and other details that you still feel the need to keep to yourself. All of the important things you keep to yourself. Afraid to share because of judgement, and criticism. Everyday is a struggle when you have so many things that have you pinned against the wall. Each issue more pressing than the next. When your torn between your social, school, and home life it's like what can you honestly do? Do what i do. Take whats thrown at you and suffer in silence. Keep it all bottled up until you loose control.
But the saddest part is I know i'm going to at some point break down and loose it, but it's the fact that I want to breakdown in a certain someone's arms that make it worse. Especially when it's someone I know I never can. How do you deal with that? How can you continue suffering alone? How can you continue to love someone that will never love you back? Someone that may acknowledge your existance but will never acknowledge your feelings. Your just there. Someone they know. Someone they've seen before. A face amongst others that mean nothing. Then throwing yourself at him only makes him see you as desperation. Someone that's pitiful. And easy. And that's not who anyone wants to be. As i stated, you take it and you suffer in silence. You keep hoping, dreaming and wishing. You live inside those dreams. Live the life you wish you had, until the dreams become so realistic you begin to believe them. That's the point of insanity. And that's the point im headed towards.