Please. Excuse. The. Rant. (P.E.T.R.)

Pissed. Pissed ALL THE WAY OFF! i'm just on another complete level. Like i have had ENOUGH! It seems like everyone and everything is just pissing me off, nor do i know why. I just really wished that for once things would go my way. Today also just so happens to be the day of homecoming. *oh joy*  and in all honesty i'm not excited. I actually dont even really want to go anymore. But because i've already bought a dress, shoes, a ticket etc. i guess i will. even though i really dont want to. I'd rather go somewhere and be alone. or be with someone who can sympathize with me. Especially since i been giving out a shit tone of sympathy lately. Then to people who dont deserve it at that. I am too nice of a person. *and thats not something you'll ever hear anyone say* I am a mean person, I'm blunt, and I dont care. So now here i am sitting at the computer ranting, going off... I just seriously hope that tonight is a lot better than today has been. The dance isn't until 7:30 and I'm going to go take pictures at 7 but i also need to go to old town and take some pictures before i head over to my friends house to take pictures with them. SOOOO yeah.

It's another Monday Morning...

Oh how we LOVE monday mornings... I swear monday's are the HARDEST days of the week. There's no comparison. I'm sure many of you have a long week ahead of you. I know I do with homecoming being this week and what not. There's alot of performances, *i have 3 this week* alot of decorating, and of coarse the DANCE! I'm somewhat excited/sad. I'm excited to go but sad it's my last. But either way i'm going to enjoy it... dateless. again.... Not even going there. But it's not important to have a date to homecoming. Because 9 out of 10 you wont leave with the same person. But who cares. Everybody gone dance on Everybody and we gone have a good time. the end.

The OFFICIAL TATTOO!

So incase you didn't know my birthday is September 28th... Which is really soon! I am super excited! And i can NOT wait to go and get my first tattoo. I"m not sure where im going to go to get it done at yet but i definantly know what i want. and that's a humming bird. I dont want color my first go around because im not sure i'll be able to handle it. That's alot for a beginner. so i'll just stick to the basic tat. And here it is...
 

This Boys and Girls is it! I love it because i can always go back and add color and detail to it! I dont feel like i'm going to regret this at all. IT has so much symbolism and meaning... such as

• The hummingbird symbolizes many different concepts. Because of its speed, the hummingbird is known as a messenger and stopper of time. It is also a symbol of love, joy, and beauty. The hummingbird is also able to fly backwards, teaching us that we can look back on our past. But, this bird also teaches that we must not dwell on our past; we need to move forward. When the hummingbird hovers over flowers while drinking nectar, we learn that we should savour each moment, and appreciate the things we love
• Hummingbird is the creature that opens the heart. When the hurt that caused us to close our hearts gets a chance to heal, our hearts are free to open again.
• Hummingbirds teach us fierce independence. They teach us to fight in a way where no one gets hurt. They teach us courage. Having the courage to refrain from creating new trauma by communicating non-violently toward ourselves and others is an important part of healing.
• Because of it's speed the humming bird is know as the messenger and stopper of time.
• It is a symbol of love joy and beauty.

The "Basic"

Ok... so for those of us that wont be ordering a crazy homecoming dress and are stuck buying a basic factory dress i tried to find the cream of the crop looking for dresses from Dillards, Macy's, Davids Bridal, And A couple of other stores that can be found in you local mall. These are dresses that are affordable and wont break the bank. I only hope no one else has the same dress as you.

Give me 2 seconds...

Sometimes i can feel myself loosing. I can feel it before it happens. Just as i can tell you that morning that im going to break down later that day because there's a entire process that gets me to that point where i just let it all go. I feel the need to cry helplessly. I want to be alone, and unbothered. I need time to recollect myself and realize exactly what is happening, and how can I solve it on my own. When your the type to keep things in everyone is forever on your case to tell them whats wrong. Then when you do you always give them the edited version. Leaving out half of a story, and other details that you still feel the need to keep to yourself. All of the important things you keep to yourself. Afraid to share because of judgement, and criticism. Everyday is a struggle when you have so many things that have you pinned against the wall. Each issue more pressing than the next. When your torn between your social, school, and home life it's like what can you honestly do? Do what i do. Take whats thrown at you and suffer in silence. Keep it all bottled up until you loose control.
But the saddest part is I know i'm going to at some point break down and loose it, but it's the fact that I want to breakdown in a certain someone's arms that make it worse. Especially when it's someone I know I never can. How do you deal with that? How can you continue suffering alone? How can you continue to love someone that will never love you back? Someone that may acknowledge your existance but will never acknowledge your feelings. Your just there. Someone they know. Someone they've seen before. A face amongst others that mean nothing. Then throwing yourself at him only makes him see you as desperation. Someone that's pitiful. And easy. And that's not who anyone wants to be. As i stated, you take it and you suffer in silence. You keep hoping, dreaming and wishing. You live inside those dreams. Live the life you wish you had, until the dreams become so realistic you begin to believe them. That's the point of insanity. And that's the point im headed towards.

Theme Music!

Be sure to check the songs of the week! *now called theme music*

Lesson Learned

It's sad that one guy can mess up a girl for every guy who ever comes along. All it takes is one heartbreak to screw up a girl. After that first heartbreak we become guarded of our hearts. Never foolishly placing it into the hands of some irresponsible boy who doesnt have the means to care for it. We quickly formulate in our minds that Every guy is the same. And though many try to claim that this theory is incorrect and judgemental, those are the ones to quickly prove the theory right.
Guys... They screw up. That's what they do. And we as women forgive them. For whatever reason. Especially when they screw up big time. Guys cheat, lie, decieve, and hurt. Then after all of that we forgive them as though they did nothing wrong. *waves red flag* THIS IS A PROBLEM! If we continue to forgive they will continue to fuck up knowing that they already have forgiveness. No! That's a negative. Forgiveness for like a little white lie is ok, but cheating: Unforgivable. How can you have the nerve to be all up in one girls face telling her how much you love her, and how she's the one for you and you'll never do her wrong and never leave her. Then you go to another girl and tell her the same thing? NO! Thats not ok in any way! Would you like it if your girl was cheating on you? Probally not. You'd probally be ready to break up with her two seconds after you found out. Now how do you think we feel?
Then this whole debate that all guys aren't the same that there are some good ones out in the world. We'll where are they because I have yet to come across one. They're all the same. Point. Blank. Period. There is no such thing as a good guy that wants to do right by somebody. That wants to be a one woman man, and actually be in it because they want to and not because they want something. My mom always would tell me that "boys are only after one thing and it's not your mind." This is true. That's all they really want & some of them are so desperate to get it they'll do whatever it takes to get it. They'll sweet talk you, be in a relationship with you and make you feel like they really love you. Then once you give it up thats it. They're done with you. On to the next. My personal favorite quote: "Niggas aint shit, and they aint gone ever be shit"
But there is hope. Very little but some non the less. Maybe somewhere out there there is. Maybe somewhere they exist. And if someone should find them they should not be selfish and share.
Bitterness. Bitterness is the after affects of being hurt badly multiple times. We become, angry and rude and soon no longer give a fuck about any male species. *with the exception of some family members.*