Alone in the crowd...

It's crazy how surrounded by hundreds and thousands of other people you can manage to feel all alone. Like you have no one, but you're surrounded by people. I know what that's like. I go to a school that's not the largest university, but it's big enough and has plenty of people. But still somehow i feel alone. I've made a couple of friends but i still manage to feel alone. I spend so much time in my jail cell, or rather my dorm room. And it's not the most pleasent place to be with it's white walls, and my unnerving roommate. I have honestly never been so unhappy in my life. I am forever depressed. Choosing to go to a school far away was not the best idea. It's actually the biggest mistake i have ever made in my life. And i fully intend to transfer close to home next year. I wish i could transfer next semester but... My dad refuses to allow me to do such a thing. I feel like I could cry, but i have to constantly remind myself to be a big girl, and grow up. But i don't want to. I don't want to be here. I don't want to grow up. I want to go back home, and be with my parents. As much as my dad got on my last nerve and was forever cursing me out i'd rather be there than here anyday. I'm so alone. And it's beginning to seem desperate. I'm not the best at making friends, and i honestly don't even want to make friends. I want my old friends back, but they all grew up, and made new friends. Lucky them. They all love their schools, and are making friends and having a great time in college. Me on the other hand sit here almost in tears desperately wishing i could turn back the hands of time and go back to highschool. But i can't. I have to move on and grow up because i dont have a choice but to do so. I've made a mess of my life and have no one to blame but myself. who else could i blame? I just pray that it gets better and some glimmer of happines shines down upon me to brighten my gloom. And as for being alone... with these hundreds and thousands of other people, i'd much rather fuck with the squirrels than these people.