Before i begin with the rest of this blog. Let me just first of all clarify what "XoXo" is for those of you who may not know... hugs and kisses. Glad we established that. Now moving on.
Today (september 27th) is the eve of my birthday. Yes, i'll be 19 tomorrow. Another year older, another year wiser... etc... and all that good stuff. I am truly blessed and highly favored. I've never really lost anyone close to me. I've never been severely injured, no broken bones, nada. I've always had a roof over my head, and food on my table. I can truly say that God has looked over me. For me to say otherwise would be a complete lie. I've always had friends, and never gotten into real trouble. I've always somehow gotten just about everything i've ever wanted, and if my parents (and grandparents) couldn't get me exactly what i wanted they came damn near close to it. I've always had love, and a support system, full of great friends and a large family. You could say i've lived a charmed life.
This year however will be different. This year i'll be spending my birthday alone. With no family or loved ones to hug me, and wish me happy birthday. This year all i'll be getting is phone calls, text messages, and fb post. Why? Once again the source of everything wrong with my life. College. Words can not express the hatred i have for Valdosta. I can not possibly wait to get the hell off from down here. I just pray that I make it through the year. So that i can get out of here. But, it's really sad and depressing that i'll be alone for my birthday. It doesn't even feel like my birthday. And it really hadn't even doned upon me that my birthday was tomorrow until 1:30 am last night. It's really sad. I feel heartbroken, unloved, and unimportant. But "it be like that sometimes" as they say. All i really want for my birthday is to go home and see my mom, and dad, and even brother, and for them to hug me and tell me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOO!" Hearing it over the phone isn't the same as hearing it through a phone call. It seems so impersonal, and fake. But it's whatever. Right?
WRONG!
I'd give anything in the world right about now to go home and see my parents for my birthday. Or for them to come to me. Sometimes you never realize how much some people mean to you until there not there anymore. "You don't know what you got 'till it's gone." that is the truest quote. It's crazy how you can go from being a socialite, talking to so many people daily, to talking to no one but yourself. I guess tomorrow i'll sing happy birthday to myself and try not to break down into tears from the utter loneliness that i feel. Although i'm pretty sure i'll be in tears by midnight, and just completely depressed.
So happy birthday to me. XoXo to myself, because no one else can.
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