We are better than that.

We are better than that. We are women. We are strong. We give life to the world. Yet, we act as though we don't possess that power. We are not low life. We literally run the world. Behind every powerful man, is a even more powerful woman in his ear telling him what to do. We are the brain behind the world. Yet we degrade ourselves. We act stupid as though it were cute. We sell our bodies as if they had worldly value.
We are better than that.
We are worth more than that.
Why promote women who go out and strip for a living? Yes, it pays the bills, yes it's easy money, but what about your soul? Why sell your soul to a man who throws money at you. Even worse to another woman who throws money at you. Why betray our sisters that way? Why encourage them to continue living life that way?
We are better than that.
We are better than stripping for a living. We should only want to go to a strip club to rescue our sisters. Not to demean them there.
Then we point fingers, and ridicule those for not wanting to go to a strip club. How are they wrong? What's wrong with that? What makes it o.k. to treat someone like an outcast for not wanting to live their life that way? Just because we choose not to partake in sin, doesn't mean that we lead boring lives. There's so much more to life than clubbing, and drinking and partying.
We are better than that.
Be better than that.

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If you don't follow me on tumblr you missing out.
point blank.
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“It’s an amazing feeling to wake up and fall asleep every day knowing that there’s someone in the world who loves you more than you can understand.”

What's Love?

What's Love? What is it truly? Is Sex love? Because that seems to be the only time anyone really seems to "feel" the love. Is arguing love? Putting up with bullshit continuously because we need that feeling that they give us. Is love the anger that we feel towards each other? Or the fact that your the first and last thing on my mind everyday? What is love?
Is love feeling helpless? Like there's not a soul in the world, but even in our helplessness we long for each other. In our loneliness we long for each other. We occupy each others thoughts continuously throughout the day, constantly wondering what the other is doing, where they are and if they're thinking of me...
Is love the feeling that grows stronger between us when were apart for long periods of time? Is love why I miss you so uncontrollably bad? I dread being apart and hate saying goodbye. I wait for the days to pass, each 24 hours that slowly brings me closer to you.
Is love the tears that run down my face? Those same tears that swell in my eyes, and burn turning my eyes red. The same tears I cry for you.
Is love the feeling of selfishness? Wanting you all to myself and not wanting to share you with anyone.
Is love why you're always on my mind. Even when your not with me you're still with me in my mind and heart.
Is love why i've been hurt so many times before? Or is it the absence of love why I was hurt. Because love didn't love me.
Isn't love supposed to be this overwhelming feeling between two people that's uncontrollable, and unbreakable? That's supposed to last until the end of time? Isn't love supposed to be true, real, honest, patient, and kind? What is love? Where is love?

Secrets...

"Got a secret? Can you keep it? Swear this one you'll save. Better lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the grave. If I show you I know you wont tell what I said, 'cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead..." 

Secrets... We've all got 'em. We all tell 'em.
We keep the things that are so hurtful, embarrassing, and outrageous to ourselves... We never tell another afraid of judgement, criticism, and being teased. We keep our secrets. We hide them deep within ourselves and vow to never tell another soul....
Yet we fail miserably at keeping secrets. We all somehow manage to tell someone and make them vow to not tell anyone else, but in turn they go and tell someone else and make them vow not to tell and the cycle goes on and on until soon what was once a secret is now public information on the down low.
But truthfully it's not a secret until someone else knows. That's what makes it a secret. It's information that's shared between two people... Until soon it's more than just those two people who know your secret.
Now here's my theory on secrets. If you want to keep it a secret don't tell anyone. Not a soul. When you don't tell anyone then you don't have to worry about someone finding out. It's not public information. It's a genuine secret. I believe that keeping a diary is a better way of hiding your secrets... well at least until your sneaky little brother, or mom finds your diary. If they Respected you they wouldn't dare read it, but some families just are nosy and have no respect for boundaries.
I personally keep a diary. And if someone were to first off ever find my diary, and let alone read they truly would have their hands on gold. Some secrets on another note shouldn't even be written down. They don't need to exist verbally, or physically. They need to be kept within the walls of our mind and never meant to see the light of day, to breathe a breath of oxygen. To disappear in our memories along with so many other memories that disappear daily. Those type of secrets are deadly. They can break people, even ruin their lives...
If someone should trust you enough to share with you their secrets, you shouldn't share someone else's secrets. If they told you in confidence, it should never be repeated. never told to another soul. Not a one. Don't betray someone's trust. If they trust you enough to share with you, you should take that as a compliment. Don't ever use someone's secrets against them either. If you two just so happen to fall out with one another don't as revenge try to exploit their secrets. That's low down, and childish. Be bigger than that.
Got a secret? Better keep it. This one you should save.

Emptiness

How can you possibly have it all, and still be unhappy?
How can you have everything that you wanted, well at least almost everything you wanted, and still be so unhappy? Still feel so miserable, so helpless, so alone, when you're the furthest thing from alone. There's an emptiness that sits in your chest. But yet that emptiness is so heavy and hurts. But you don't know why. Why does it hurt? Why do you feel so empty when you have it all? There's not much more you could ask God for and yet you still feel like there's something so important that you don't have and desperately need but don't know what it is.
You have a great life. Friends that love you, adore you, support you, would do anything in the world for you.
You have an amazing family even though they're crazy. They support you in every way imaginable. They push you to do better and be better and at the end of the day they'll always be there.
You have love. You have someone there who loves you so much. They adore you and everything about you including your flaws. You may never know why they feel the way the do, and you may question it all the time but they do.
So whats missing?
Whats this emptiness that you feel?
You've got it all... or so you think...

How I know...

I'm beginning to think that there's no such thing as "the one" but rather we find someone and we try our hardest to make it work. That's obviously just me and my realist ways... Of course we want to believe that some mystical feeling will overcome us and we'll just suddenly know. No. I think we find someone who makes us think "hey, this might work." Maybe just being with them feels right, it feels natural. So maybe that's how you know. Just laying in bed with them and thinking to yourself, "I could do this for the rest of my life." or at least at that moment you think you could do it for the rest of your life. It's crazy though how it can just suddenly hit you. You're just walking down the street holding hands and it suddenly dawns upon you that hey, this could be my forever and once you realize it you spend the rest of your life trying to make it last forever which is a true test. I think these days people get married without thinking about the actual issues that come along with marriage. Their so stuck in infatuation that they fail to even consider anything that could go wrong. Which is why so many marriages end up in divorce. How do you resolve a argument? How do you communicate with the other when something is wrong? Money issues? Stress? Work? You have to consider everything. You can't just jump into it then everything is just perfect and works itself out. It doesn't work like that. It's work, and if your not willing to make it work then obviously you weren't the one for them, and they weren't the one for you. Hence forth there's no such thing as the one.

Excluded.

Excluded. yeah. So If you don't already get what this post is about then you might want to get your dictionary out.
Excluded: To be intentionally left out. As in on purpose. As in "we purposely did not invite you because we did not want you there."
Are you with me now?
Good. Lets continue.
To be excluded from anything is complete and utter bullshit. Point. Blank. Period. Obviously if they're excluding you from outings, parties, etc... then they're not really your real friends. There's no way around that.
"Oh they just forgot to invite me." How the absolute fuck do you forget to invite someone anywhere? If they didn't invite you it wasn't because they forgot it was because they didn't give a fuck about you and didn't care to have your presence there. You can't argue that. If they don't invite you it's because they didn't want to. You can't argue that any other way. you can not.
I know about being excluded. I've been excluded from a lo of things. Especially now being in college. Even in high school you make friends with people and you guys get distanced etc... and you know you kind of make friends wherever you go. It's sort of the human thing to do, but those new friends you make aren't always your REAL friends. Just thought i'd throw that out there.
Now when your excluded (left out) from things it hurts. It hurts your feelings, and makes you feel like you've been stabbed in the back. If you don't feel stabbed in the back then you just didn't take it seriously. I on the other hand take things like that seriously. Especially when it's people who smile in your face and choose to invite you places when there's no one else to call. A last resort. That my friends is called throwing shade. Being Fake. I do not have time to be standing in shade, nor the time to sit and let someone throw the shade at me. Forget that.
Real eyes recognize Real lies. Now when your being done wrong. Don't let them continue to make a fool out of you. Your better than that. So, cut them off. Do what you gotta do. Make new friends... or don't. I have one group of real friends. We don't talk all day, every single day, but we do keep in touch with each other. Those are the only people I fully trust, and sometimes I don't. *shrugs* But point is the less friends the less problems. (The less bitches the less problems) Learn it, Live it, Love it.

The perfect guy...

Does the perfect guy really exist? Is he really real? And most importantly will I ever find the perfect guy? Hmmmm... Questions to ponder right?

Well... as a female, we all have envisioned my perfect guy. What he looks like, what he'll talk like, the things he'll do, the things he'll say, what he'll drive, what type of job he'll have... In our minds we know what the perfect guy is... It's just a matter of trying to find him, getting him to see that your the perfect girl, and then keeping him. Not as simple as you would've thought right?
Me personally i'm not sure if my perfect guy exist. I want too many different qualities that are real contrasting and i'm not sure if one person alone can embody all those different characteristics. But hey who knows? Maybe one day i'll find him...

(about two weeks later...)

As a little girl  I always imagined what he'd be like... and I feel like i'll never find what i've been imagining... I feel like i'll find the exact opposite, or I have found the exact opposite and I wonder if perhaps I have found the one, but I can't be sure... I'm to indecisive to ever really make permanent decisions *Unless it's tattoo's* But i think that there's so many more guys out in the world but I just don't ever think that i'll meet that perfect guy. *because he probably doesn't exist* And if i have to choose from the selection of guys that i know now, i don't think there's anyone that i could choose that would make me at least 80% happy. saddenning.

Love that body

Can we focus on LOVING our bodies the way they are instead of trying to alter them so that we’ll love them? The same way we should love people for who they are and their imperfections, we should love our bodies for what they are, and all of our imperfections. They make us who we are. And I don’t want to be anybody else but me.

”

Heffs.Tumblr.Com

Follow me on Fucking Tumblr! Heffs.tumblr.com. Follow me for DOPE shit, and other cool shit that I come across. Oh, and follow me on Pintrest too, Because I murdah Pintrest. *MiKaela Blueskadoo* DO IT NOW!

Swim Good

It was exhausting the way I loved you.

I threw every ounce of myself into it.

I dived head first at your heart,

but just as I should've hit the water,

I hit a brick wall.

Where a splash should have been,

was a scream of pain, 

Your guard was up,

and I was left battered and bruised,

with a heavy heart,

and even heavier loss. 

~A.T

That awkward moment when you tell someone how you feel...

The expectation of forgiveness

People fuck up. That's what they do. They fuck up. After they do they come back in search of forgiveness. Depicting on how bad they f'd up forgiveness may seem like a thing extremely out of reach. Then for some that did something petty know that they'll be forgiven sooner or later. Then there are those that constantly f' up because they simply know that no matter what they do you'll forgive them. Those are the ones that are taking advantage of your forgiveness. They expect forgiveness no matter what they do, not realizing that their actions could hurt you but they do it because they don't think you can be hurt. For every wrong doing that they do you shrug it off and act like it never happened. You continue to be polite, be their friend all with a smile on your face as if they could do no wrong. Oblivion suits no one. Acknowledge whats in front of your face. Don't let them continue to take advantage of you! As long as you allow it, they'll continue to do it. Cut yourself off from them *silent treatment* until they get the memo. Call them out on their shit! Do something. No one deserves to be walked over and mistreated. No one.

The pyramid of Confidence

Why do we as women lack so much confidence? We look at our reflection in the mirror and hate what we see. How is it that we can hate our reflection? Hate ourselves. Our bodies. Were given these bodies, they're our temples. The home and shell of our souls. Yet we hate the way it looks outside. Why? Because we've been brainwashed. Were lead to believe that the image that we see in the media is the way that were meant to look. It's the media's idea of beauty. If you don't look that way then you are not beautiful. Well, that's not true. Were all different. No one looks exactly alike. *Unless you have a twin, but even so there are things that set them apart so that you can tell the difference* So if everyone looks different then how is it that one look is the set definition of beauty? Are we not all beautiful? There are characteristics about us all that makes us beautiful, makes us different, special, unique. Why not embrace that uniqueness and celebrate it? Why not be different and be our own kind of beautiful? Why not be the type of beautiful that people cant figure out? The type where people want stare because they can't put their finger on it but it's something about you. Be your own kind of beautiful. Not what everyone else says is beautiful. When you look in the mirror you should love what you see, and if you don't it's time you learned to love it because your not going to be given another body. This is the only one you've got, and the only one you'll get. Hating it will get you no where. Neither will harming it. Cutting yourself... It's a bad habit that people have. Cutting their arms and legs when they're sad, or depressed or things aren't working out. I personally could never do that due to my fear of needles. But some people can and do. That only harms your body, and leaves nasty scars on you that never go away. Why destroy your body? I believe that if you cut yourself there's hope that one day you will once again regain the love for your body, but when you do you'll regret the scars that are left behind. So as a word of advice, don't do it...
One thing that i've noticed is that the "Big Girls" are the ones with the most confidence. They don't give a shit!!! They wear what they want, and they do it with confidence! They are flawless and fierce, and loving life in their bodies! They have so much confidence it's crazy! They're rocking bikini's, lingerie modeling, and everything! I wish I had that type of confidence. We should all wish we had that type of confidence. But confidence isn't something you can buy or acquire in a day. It's something that takes time and has to be built within yourself. So my suggestion is that we all begin building our pyramid of confidence and begin living our lives with confidence.

Happy Thursday.

It's thursday February 14. Just another day of the week. But for some of you all it's Valentines day. *Vomits* Because there should be at least one day out of the year when people suddenly feel they should express this undying love that they have for you by buying you gifts and doing nice things for you like theres not 365 other days that they can show this so called love they have for you. Oh. Yeah, let that sink in for a bit.
Why is Valentines day such a big deal? Ummm because the media makes you believe that it's a big deal. As well as all the stores, movies, commercials etc... Valentines is just another day of the year. Especially for the single people. But some of the singles choose to make this national "salty af, depressed, I'm gonna eat my weight in chocolate" Day. Yeah, that's a good look. If you truly love someone you'll show 365 days a year. You don't just buy them gifts on this one day, you do it periodically, randomly, just because. Not because it's expected. I'm pretty sure if your girl was really down for you she really wouldn't even be that mad that you didn't get her anything. I'm sure she might be disapointed but I highly doubt she'd break up with you or something stupid like that. So because I truly don't care to elaborate on my dislike for the holiday, which is truly not a holiday because everyone still had to go to work and school, I really have nothing more to say. SO, Happy Thursday.

Cleaning up the mess

Cleaning up the mess. The mess known as my life that I didn't create on my own. But yet i'm the only person left here to clean it up. My life is like a house party. Everyone comes, has a good time, talks shit, makes a mess, and when the night is over everyone goes home to their clean homes, and i'm the one left with a trashed house and have to clean the mess up on my own. That's my life right now. The after effects of a house party. Everyones came into my life, had a good time, rode the bandwagon when things were going good, supported me 100%, became my friend, added their two cents, and influenced my decision making. Now that things aren't going so good everyone jumps off the bandwagon withdraws their support, and gives me the cold shoulder. Ouch. You think that hurts much?
Now here i am trying to clean up the mess on my own and I turn to the ones who i'd hoped would never turn their backs on me yet, they too have given me the cold shoulder. Left me out in the cold. Which hurts even worse.
Now here I am, alone.
With no one to turn to because it seems as though the world is against me in everything I attempt to do. And as a human, we seek that approval and support, but when you don't get it, you do feel alone. I'm speaking from experience here. We need that in our lives. Without it we feel as though there's no point. No purpose. Which in turn leads to suicidal notions...
Then there's that point when you try to convince yourself that you keep going for yourself. You keep going to prove to everyone that you could do it, even without them. But at the end of the day proving them wrong does nothing but make them turn their noses up at you, and still there's no one there to be proud of you. So again you ask "What's the point?"
Well... I don't know. I don't have a point. I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm still trying to clean up the mess that everyone's helped make with no support, no love, no advice, no one. Because right now all i've got is me. Which is something you know everyone says is "all i got is me, myself and I" but when that becomes your reality that truly all you have is "Me, Myself and I" you realize that's not enough...  But truthfully speaking at the end of the day all you have is yourself. When everyone else is gone, there's still you... And that's where I am.
There's me.
And me alone.
Cleaning up the mess...

It's not that simple...

When it comes to working out and getting in shape.... Lord knows how hard it really is. We all are so desperate to loose weight but were just so lazy, and expect it to just disappear... Well it doesn't work like that, and sometimes i even have to remind myself of that. Weight simple doesn't just disappear. If it did trust me, i would've rid of mine a long time ago. The only way to get into shape is to exercise and eat healthy. If your a college student like myself this is easier said than done with the limited food options we have on campus eating healthy sometimes just isn't possible. And I of all people understand that. But we can balance that out by exercising whenever we can. And with crazy schedules that's also easier said than done. But if your serious about loosing the weight you'll do it. And there's numerous things you can do. Visit your campus rec center or gym. And if you don't have one or you're not the type to go to a gym, you can do like myself and work out in your room. Focus your exercises on the particular body parts that you want to get in shape such as your tummy, thighs, or arms. I personally prefer to exercise because it makes me feel better about myself as well as keeping my body toned... which is what im working towards as opposed to loosing weight. Everything with me is more about maintaining the weight that i am, and not gaining. *Which is very hard when your living off of chick-fil-a and moes.* So i've developed a game plan. I took a p.e. course this semester but honestly we don't do too much of anything. So in addition to that i have started to work out 15 min. a day 3 times a week in my room. Hopefully once i begin to build my endurance back up, i can endure longer times and can build up to 4 times a week. I'm proud of myself because i'm already off to a good start! But best of luck to everyone with their exercise endeavors. 

"Hips, Thighs, No Discrimination towards pies."

"I won’t say that hating our bodies is a universal experience, because I know that it’s not, but it is a pretty common one. The problem with a lot of the rhetoric around the whole “love and accept yourself unconditionally” ideology — popular and awesome-feeling though the words may sound — is that it doesn’t leave much space for individual realities, complicated as they are. There are many reasons why loving your body may occasionally be impossible. It happens.Allowing yourself to then feel like crap about your apparent lack of perfect loving joyfulness in your every molecule is self-defeating. I prefer to advocate for acceptance, because acceptance doesn’t place a value — positive or negative — on our bodies, or our bodily parts. Love can be fickle, but acceptance is not. Your body, and all its little idiosyncrasies and annoyances, exists. You cannot blink the frustrating parts away, and you cannot wish them into oblivion. If you are able to change them, it will probably take time. So you may as well accept them, as they are, right now. Acceptance doesn’t mean “I will never change,” it means, “I will roll with whatever changes come,” because bodily changes are inevitable, no matter what you do. I’m fat, and most of the time I love my body. When I don’t, I accept it, and I steadfastly refuse to hate it, because there is no point to hating the awesome vehicle that allows me to interact with and participate in the world. It’s the only one I get. Sure, 24-hour self-love may be the ideal, and we can keep striving for it, but first we must forgive our bodies for not being perfect, and forgive ourselves for any anger or despair we may feel in wanting this to be so. We would do well to remember that in some relationships, forgiveness can be far more powerful than unconditional love. This is true for our bodies too."-Anonymous 

Here I am complaining about how huge my thighs are, how flabby my arms are, and fat my stomach is. All I could think about was "How am i going to wear a swim suit this year???" *Panic Face* Then I some how came across a blog/tumblr called "Curvy is the new black." (When you get the chance google it.) I saw motivational pictures of "Curvy" women working what they got and they looked great doing it. I also came across the piece at the top. Which added some sunshine to my gloomy day. All of them curves in places models don't even know exist. And of coarse it made me feel better. It made me happy with my body. I'm healthy. I'm curvy. I'm real! And I can't change that. (Despite how hard I may try.) Eating healthy, exercising, dieting. I've tried it all. I've been this way all my life, and i'll end my life the same. But size doesn't matter. The media places so much emphasis on looks, and weight, and has this set idea of what beauty is. When normal people don't look like that they get the feeling of were ugly, and unfit but were not. Were all made to be different. Were not all made to be "Model size." Some of us were blessed with a little more. (Or a lotta more)

"There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain." -Audrey Hepburn 

Humph. I hate guys. Most guys go for your LSLH type chicks. (Light skin, Long hair) Or at least the black guys do. But that's only half the battle. The other half is size. No guy wants to be with a girl whose bigger than him. *Take note of the first picture, "Fat chicks, Fun until your friends find out."*(Which takes me to this side note: some guys like the big girls. But as soon as their friends find out, suddenly they have no interest in us. Because they're too concerned with what everybody else thinks.)(Not just in the size of your waist, but in height as well.) Being tall is just as hard as being thick. Trust me. Because the struggle gets 2x harder when your tall and thick. It's just like can I have at least one thing going for me? But nope. The thing is we just have to embrace who we are and work with what we got. Were given these bodies so we have to learn to care, accept and dress them. Which is a biggie. So many times we don't dress our bodies. Were trying to keep up with trends as opposed to wearing what looks good on us. But in actuality it's possible to do both. You can wear trendy cute clothes that were actually made for your body... It's just that you might have to vary your shopping. Shopping in common stores like forever 21, and Charlotte Russe aren't necessarily the move. Yes, they have cute clothes but those clothes weren't meant to fit everyone. I see so many blogs with girls who are of thick decent and have amazing clothes! I have no clue were it is that they get these clothes but they have them so I know it's possible. Honestly I believe the answer is in online shopping. Which I myself have become a fan of as of lately. I admire these people. They know how to wear trendy clothes, show a little skin but it looks good on them! 

WHO SAYS WE CANT WEAR 'KINI'S????

And Just because i'm bold enough, Here's me in my 'Kini top and shorts last summer! Stretch marks, tattoo's and all! *I like to call them my tiger stripes. Simply because it makes me feel strong and fierce like a tiger. In fact, now i have the idea of getting a tattoo of a tiger* (Mind you, this was last summer and the freshmen 15 is starting to catch up to me along with this birth control shot that makes you gain weight so i'm sure you can imagine what's happened to me.) 

Sooooooo now after this blog I'm feeling better about myself, and i'm currently determined to get my summer body back... Even though that's probably impossible. But I can probably tone up... 

Anyways point of the post is:

LOVE YOURSELF. ACCEPT YOURSELF. BE HAPPY. LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Passing me by

*sigh* How did I let life pass me by? It's sad to be 19 and feel like you've never done anything with your life. There's no moments that were so amazing that are just worth remembering. It's sad, the most extravagant thing you've ever done with your life was take a school trip to Paris and Spain. And it dawned upon me when you see other people having these amazing moments in their life that you know they'll never forget. Like having these extravagant ways of being asked to prom, or going to college and having the time of your life. How and why is it that i'm missing out on everything? I feel like everything just passed me by. Those high school relationships that you think will last forever, yeah none of that. Going to parties, None of that. Going to clubs? None of that. Life is just passing me by, and i'm letting it. I feel like i have no stories to tell my children if I was to ever even have children. WHY???? Sometimes I feel like everything passed me by because I wasn't included. Left out, disregarded, uninvited. Yeah, something like that... and that again takes me back to that point in my life when things were... hard. And again here I am getting to personal with my blog. I just can't deal. Whatever. I'm jealous. I envy these people having these amazing moments. I hate you. Anyways, moving on. Let me keep it moving because i'm salty.

College is a Scam!

So it has been brought to my attention that apparently my blog is a relationship blog... Well thats funny seeing as how I thought it was more of a rant blog where I felt free to unleash these crazy tyrants but apparently its a relationship blog. Hmph. Go figure. lol. Anyways. The struggle. It's real. Too real for me. Like shit is forreal hard. And I wonder how did i get myself caught up in these situations. Here I am 19, no job, already $15,000 into debt, and attempting to transfer schools. Well guess what? If you thought the $15,000 was bad other schools are worse! And I'm poor! This is an outrage! Schools are robbing us! Especially for the bullshit education that we get. Honestly we pay all this money to say we know, the things we already knew. Actually we pay all this money for a piece of paper that says we "Officially" Know this stuff. *Rolls eyes* Ridiculous. Then you pay to live on campus because as a freshman it's "Required." Yeah, So they can make you live in a jail cell with a slob and rob you for more of your money. This whole college thing is overrated. All the partying and drinking you see in movies. It's not real. Don't believe it. The whole "I'm out of highschool ain't gone be no more drama." Child BOO! Thats a lie! There's twice as much drama, and now sex is involved. So i'm sure you can imagine the foolishness that goes on. But like I said, this whole college thing is OVERRATED! To the max, and I luckily caught on the the scam. So HAHA! But I can't drop out... So at the end of the day I guess they still win. Bastards...

Some things never seem to *f'n* work...

So I was listening to Solange's new album entitled "True." I really like it. If you haven't heard it I do suggest you go listen to it but it's not for those who only like a certain type of music. You have to be the type to like a variety of music. But do give it a listen. Anyways, there's a song on the album called "Some things never seem to fucking work." It's an interesting song, but the thing about it is that I was sitting here complaining about how things never work out, then I thought of the song, and it kind of hit me. "Some things never seem to fucking work." Literally. It always seems like things never work out pertaining to my love life and I know I'm not the only one. You find a guy and then things don't work out. Somewhere along the line something goes wrong, and shit falls apart. Then your stuck right back where you started. With nothing and no one. Which is saddening and depressing. And we've all been there before. We have. Sometimes we get really deep into the situation. We even get so deep as to even feel like were in love... Which is not to say that were not. Sometimes we are. It's possible to love more than one person, but at the end of the day there is only one person who's the one. We just never really know who that one person is. And were always skeptical about it. I just think that one day we'll know... But until then you just never know. And we just have to wait because some things never seem to f'n work.

Poetic Justice #1

Sooooo, random poetry post. Which i entitled "Poetic Justice" Because I love the song (Kendrick Lamar ft. Drake: Poetic Justice. If you haven't heard it please give your ears the eargasm they are being deprived of.) Anyways, So random poetry. Enjoy.

"I need you.
I need to feel you.
I need your hands to touch me, telling me that your real.
I need to feel them all over me.
Warming me with the sensation of your touch.
I need you to kiss me.
I need to breathe your air to know that your alive.
 I need your lips to whisper to me, to tell me how much you love me, and that you need me like I need you.
I need your lips to kiss me all over, setting my skin on fire with the smallest touch and embrace.
I need to hear your heart beat, to know that your human and not too good to be true.
I need to hear it beating in tune with mine, telling me that we are one.
I need you to wrap both of your arms around me and hold me close to you.
I need you to hold me tight never letting me go, telling me that you'll never leave me and youll never hurt me.
I need you.
I need you bad.
I need all of you too.
I need to believe in something.
I need to believe in us.
I need to believe that it's real and in you I can trust.
I need to believe.
I want you.
I need you.
But not to sound too needy. "

This feeling...

I personally hate getting caught up in my feelings. I hate feeling some type of way. I hate being so caught up in my emotions and not being able to do anything about it. I hate feeling miserable, and depressed and not being able to find a way out of that depression. There not being no way to be happy. It's torturous, and it's like torturing yourself. And you may wonder why would anyone torture their selves? That's crazy. Your right. It is. It's extremely crazy. But that's how it is.
Sometimes you find yourself in a dark place. And there's no light to get out of that dark place. It hurts. It makes you cry. It takes a toll on your soul, personality, and mind. It's damaging.
Life is hard. And dealing with things that are hurtful, and hard are just a part of it. You have to go through hell to get to heaven. That's life, and so are feelings, and dealing with them. But sometimes those feelings are too much to deal with. I'm sorry this blog is so depressing, but you have to bear with me, because Right now being back at school is so hard... O.k. I'm done just had to get that out even if it doen't make sense.

Happy New Year!

New Year, New You...

Yeah right.

Lets get real. It's not gonna be a new you. It's gonna be a you, doing shit differently for the first couple of months of the year right before you return to your old ways and start doing the same shit you were doing the year before. Therefore resulting in the same resolutions year after year.
"I'm going on a diet"
"I'm going to work out every day"
"I'm going to eat healthier."
"I'm going to focus on school more."
"I'm going to stop being so negative."
"I'm going to be more outgoing."
And the list goes on, and on, and on!!!!!
People. Seriously. These new years resolutions have gotten out of control. Why not have a resolution that's reasonable. Start small. Set goals for yourself to accomplish throughout the year. Give yourself something to work towards. Have some kind of a reward for yourself. Funny how everything i'm saying sounds like common sense though right? That's because it is.
Then there are the people who say "I don't have a new years resolution. I'ma stay the same." No you're not. That's impossible. As humans, we grow, we change. You can't stay the same. With each year we learn more, and grow more. The way we think, the way we dress, our interests, our friends, our lives, they are forever changing. So staying the same isn't really a possibility. Besides some change is good.
It's a new year. It's a fresh start. So start how you want to finish.